Walking back and forth on the rough carpet in my dorm room, I pray for peace, comfort, and wisdom. For what? It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the first one in a while. My future was heavy on my mind since I was expecting a call from Cuyahoga Valley Church that afternoon.
Nervousness, with its steel-like hands, gripped my stomach in a painful, yet fire-filled anticipation that I hate experiencing. The perilous ring of my phone reached my ears. The sweat attack and the well-paced floor disappeared with my hopeful, yet scared “Hello”. This was it. This was the yes or the no that would alter what direction my life would take after I walked down the aisle of Baptist Bible College for the last time as a student.
In response to my hello, another one was offered on the other end and was followed with a “how are you?”. Oh man! I do not even know how to describe how I am! Am I supposed to say good? For goodness sakes this sweat is truly drenching the arm pits at this point. I utter a measly good with a nervous chuckle. Bless Joe’s and Rick’s hearts for putting up with the awkward silences and the fat pauses on my end. After I answered their questions, Joe and Rick gave me an answer. I was extended an offer to go to Broadview Hills, Ohio to serve in Cuyahoga Valley Church for one year. I accepted the offer two days afterward.
The charis (grace) that has been given to me is radical. But is that not what grace is? It is radical and scary because it is so dangerous. I cannot fence grace in. It has nothing to do with me, the receiver, but everything to do with the giver. The paradigm shift that occurs is seeing that the grace, sovereignty, love, and peace that came with this decision is nothing but miraculous.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” May I elaborate on the bold and italicized words? Trust is not easy. Saying it to someone does not mean you are living in that truth. Trust is an everyday decision that scares me. But it is necessary. When I know who it is I say I trust and love then I no longer live in fear but hopeful anticipation! 🙂 Can we all shout an amen??! As you can see, I also italicized the word all. All gives no wiggle room for maybe or part of me. It denotes all. No excuses. I tend to lean unto my own understanding because I trust myself. Here is a little truth for you, you generally do not lean into something you do not trust. Remember that.
The process of being offered this opportunity and the accepting of it was not easy. Often I wanted to trust myself and lean into what I knew was safe or normal. And a little disclaimer for all who read this, safe and normal is not what we are called to. In fact, the safe options confused me more than simply trusting and walking obediently in the opportunity that God had orchestrated for me. Walking in obedience has opened my eyes to seeing how big my God is and I do not want to ever take that for granted.
This blog with its many words and crazy explanations does have a purpose. First, it is so that I can record my journey this next year. Second, it is to ask people to pray for God’s will to be done in my life. Third, I want to be transformed daily to reflect the image of my Savior. Will you join me in this journey by praying for me? I will end with one of my personal favorite quotes:
“All is grace. God is always good and I am always loved.”